I have to share a little secret with you guys…when Elena and I found out we were going to have the privilege of conducting the 1st interview ever done with the Snarky Narrator from Gabriel’s Inferno and Gabriel’s Rapture by Sylvain Reynard…we were both really nervous, but so excited at the same time.
We weren’t really sure what to expect as we met at a top secret location…NO! I can’t tell you where…I just said it was top secret…geez…
Anyways… we decided to dress up a bit…ok, ok…we went on a mad shopping spree and treated ourselves to a spa day before arriving a few minutes early.
We were met by a very pleasant-looking gentleman who escorted us to a lovely room, and after serving us a fabulous glass of wine he departed. We chit chatted and admired our surroundings…the fireplace was a huge bonus…
A few minutes later we heard the door open and there HE stood…
In my haste to stand up I wobbled a bit and spilled some of my wine on my new dress…well how embarrassing is that…and out of my mouth popped “ Holy crap dood! You’re effing gorgeous” Oh no…did I really just say that out loud?
Trying to cover for me, Elena stepped forward and began making introductions. SN refilled our wine and then poured himself a glass before we all took our seats. (and by the way Tamie was unabashedly staring at SN with
lustful thoughts admiration, it was obvious that she needed a minute or five to regain her senses, so Elena took charge and got the interview underway.)
Elena smiling ” Thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview, SN. It’s a pleasure to have you here.” Trying hard not to blush and look flustered because he’s so handsome she asks, “I’m very curious to know, what’s your honest opinion of Professor Gabriel O. Emerson?”
SN: He’s a pretentious ass and he holds no end of amusement for me.
Tamie: It seems to me that Gabriel and SR get most of the attention from the Ladies…how do you feel about that?
SN: (sigh) The narrator always gets the shaft.
Elena: “Tamie… that may be true, but I think it’s safe to say that, besides Gabriel of course, the SN is the readers’ favorite character.” turning back to SN and asking “What do you think of the fact that they adore you so much? And why do you think that is?”
SN: (preening) Well, I’d like to think that the readers appreciate my sense of humour, such as it is. Of course, having a comic figure such as the Professor certainly helps. If he changed his wardrobe or his vocabulary, I’d have to find something else to mock, like his strange attachment to archaic shaving implements.
Elena looks into SN’s gorgeous blue eyes and loses any coherent thought. She certainly appreciates a good deal more than his sense of humor… Oh gods of all book bloggers that are interviewing gorgeous snarky narrators, don’t let me combust, please!
Realizing that it is now Elena who needs a moment or two to compose herself, Tamie leans forward and touches SN‘s arm and asks, “What kinds of activities do you like to engage in…when you aren’t busy being so desireable…Umm…I mean snarky ?”
SN: I enjoy paintball and playing Risk, sometimes at the same time. I’ve been known to move his Jaguar and park it in a no parking zone. I’ve also taken to surreptitiously pouring his milk down the sink.
Tamie’s mind drifts off to an entirely different thought about what the SN does with that milk…
Elena tries to stifle a giggle. She’s always loved The Professor’s peculiarity, which prompts her to ask “What is the Professor’s trait that amuses you the most? Irritates you the most?”
SN: He’s prim in a way that one seldom sees outside of Oxbridge. And he talks funny. I mean, how many people do you know that regularly use the term “shenanigans” in a sentence?
Tamie inhales sharply and decides not to point out that “shenanigans” is actually one of her favorite words, and one she regularly tries to work into a sentence. She covers by jumping into the next question, “Describe your ideal woman and tell me what a perfect date would entail?”
SN: My ideal woman would be either you or Elena, and I’d be delighted to take you both to dinner. In fact, my Fiat awaits …
Elena almost jumps from her seat, ready to accept the offer, link her arm to SN‘s and let herself be escorted to his Fiat, but Tamie grabs her hand, reminding her with a pointed look that they have to finish the interview first but whispers “OMG…we are so accepting that invitation after we get done with this” Elena would like to move on immediately to more interesting activities…And speaking of pleasurable activities…
Elena clears her throat and asks: Do the love scenes between Gabriel and Julia make you uncomfortable, since you have to narrate them?
SN: Mostly, I keep my eyes shut. It’s very difficult not to snark or to turn on “boom chicka wow” music while narrating those scenes. God help me.
Tamie who never, ever, giggles does so, but recovers quickly with “ Have you ever considered opening up your own social media accounts? Why or why not?”
SN: I’m glad you asked. Yes, I have. But since I’m a narrator, I’m afraid readers would find it rather tiresome, e.g., “This morning I had eggs for breakfast, which is miraculous given the fact that I …” you get the idea.
It occurs to Elena that she wouldn’t mind listening to him talking about eggs and breakfast. Yes, she’s definitely smitten. What was the question? Oh right “Was there a scene/moment in the story where you wanted to make a particularly snarky comment but you didn’t? And if so, what would it be? Now’s the moment to make it 😉 ”
SN: The last love scene in “Gabriel’s Inferno.” I was shouting, “Damn it, just do it already. You’re making legions of men worldwide look bad and now no one will be able to get a date.”
Tamie giggles again which she finds rather alarming, and takes a fairly large gulp of her wine before asking ” Both the Professor and SR seem to have an…erm…strong appreciation for ladies heels…do you share this particular fascination with what is on a woman’s feet?”
SN: (shakes head) Faced with a beautiful woman, who the hell would look at her feet?
Tamie and Elena look at each other wide-eyed before Tamie, trying hard to control the urge to jump into his lap, stutters the next question “Umm…yeah…ok…last one before we play a game. Tell us just one teeny tiny little secret about Gabriel or SR that has never been revealed…until now.”
SN: Someone sent Gabriel a pair of silk boxer shorts with lipstick marks all over them and “Emerson has a great ass” emblazoned over the backside.
Elena recognizes the description of the boxer shorts and blushes. So he did receive her gift…Busted.
“Ok time for what we like to call…fast and furious…ready?”
Tamie tries to ignore the scorching look from the SN that clearly says he’s always ready…
Boxers, briefs, or commando?
You forgot banana hammocks …
Tamie shakes her head to clear the image that just popped into her mind…
E-reader or print book?
Print. Definitely. In fact, I’m printing this as we speak, long hand.
Pine table or wall?
Wall. Wait. Is it a kitchen table? Because that’s the holy grail of domestic coupling.
Elena thinks about kitchen tables and SN…Together. She wonders if her kitchen table would be sturdy enough..Oh my. Her mind is running riot…She needs to regain her senses and fast.
Favorite song, #, color, flavor, scent?
“Rhapsody in Blue by Gershwin.” Every snark deserves its own soundtrack. Seven. Blue. Apple. Apple pie.
Vanilla sex or a little bit of kink?
Whoa. Who did you say you write for again?
Favorite curse word?
First thing you check out on a woman?
It ain’t her shoes, I can tell you that.
Favorite book other than GI/GR?
“War and Peace.” The snark possibilities are endless.
Favorite sexual position?
As long as I’m having sex, that position is my favourite.
Long, slow, and deep… or short, fast, and hard? Kisses dood…I meant kisses. Wait…did I really mean kisses?
Long, slow and deep.
Tamie looked at Elena and then at the SN and said…”I think that’s a wrap on the interview, let’s go do dinner shall we?!?”
and with that SN said, “Thank you Ladies for this interview. It was a pleasure.”
With one arm around Tamie’s waist and the other around Elena’s the SN led them off…to dinner…and a VERY good time was had by all…
A thousand thank yous and hugs to Sylvain Reynard for arranging this interview. You’re the best SR!
A thousand kisses to SN for an unforgettable interview. We’re glad we were your first! Elena and I may never be the same…We’ll see you at that New Year’s Eve party 😉
Merry Christmas to everyone! Later today we’ll have a giveaway from SR.
Tamie and Elena
P.S. The FIAT?!? It’s black…O and three people in the front seat?!? Makes for a very interesting ride…